What if I just hit the deck every time I didn’t get my way? Would that get me very far in life?

Apparently I’ve learned along the way that it doesn’t… but I watch my two-year-old moving from a normal standing position to sprawling out on the floor multiple times a day and realize [...]]]>

What if I just hit the deck every time I didn’t get my way? Would that get me very far in life?

Apparently I’ve learned along the way that it doesn’t… but I watch my two-year-old moving from a normal standing position to sprawling out on the floor multiple times a day and realize that clearly this is a lesson he’s yet to learn.

My mom said that when I was little I would hold my breath – that was my way of engaging in the power struggle. My own toddler has done the wet noodle, head-banging on the floor, screaming, throwing things, and probably other shananagins that I can’t even remember. But his favorite—by far—is just to hit the deck.

I can’t have juice now? Ok, I’ll lay on the floor.

You want to get me dressed? Alright then, I’ll lay on the floor.

Why can’t I watch TV? Fine, I think I’ll just lay on the floor.

It’s easy to get fed up with the (negative) antics of a toddler. (It’s also hard to refrain from laughing a lot of the time.)

Just when did they learn to be so dramatic?

Yes, I know the “real” reasons – the struggle with language, the growing independence, the developing fine and gross motor skills that aren’t always as refined and polished as their little hearts desire, etc. etc.

But I also know it’s just that they’re little people, not yet skilled at the art of composing themselves.

There have been many times already where I’ve watched Levi throwing a train because it fell off the tracks, kicking his bike because it rammed into something, or chucked food on the floor because he didn’t like the taste of it.

And I see myself—my inner self—in his bad behavior.

How many times do I want to ram my car into another driver because he cut me off?

How many times do I want to throw my computer against the wall because it’s frozen (again)?

How many times do I want to abandon my screaming kids and leave them to work it out themselves while I drive to a café for a quiet coffee and a magazine?

I have all the same feelings and emotions of anger and frustration that Levi does… it’s just that I’ve learned “hitting the deck” doesn’t get me very far. I’ve learned it doesn’t actually solve anything. I’ve learned I have the power to bring change if only I can keep a level head, use sound reasoning and creativity, and exercise a bit of patience.

But my little two-year-old isn’t as smart as I am.

He’s not had to endure endless hours on the phone with automated “customer service” lines to help him learn self-control. (You know that’s what they were designed for, right??)

When we’re in the thick of a tantrum day (as some days just are – I’m betting you know what I mean), it helps me to remember that he’s just being human.

He’s being very human… just not very adult.

I can totally relate to the train throwing and bike kicking and food chucking… I’ve just had a few more years to learn how to not act on my every whim.

That, my friends, is what helps gives me the fuel to deal with his tantrums with a little more compassion and a little more patience.

Someday, just as my mom’s told me I used to hold my breath during power struggles, I will also be chuckling as I tell Levi he used to hit the deck.

Until then, we’re both teaching each other patience and self-control.

And, if truth be told, I’m sometimes jealous that it’s considered normal for him to throw his peas on the floor… because I certainly have days where I feel like doing that too.

Dear friends, how are your littles frustrating—and mirroring—you lately? Can you see yourself in their melt-downs? How do you remain compassionate and level-headed when dealing with the drama?

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

[7|52: in the buff]

The way Judah looks at me is different to the way anyone else has ever looked at me before.

I’m not even really sure how to describe it except for the fact that it’s like he knows me. Really knows me.

{Even just writing that out feels so [...]]]>

[7|52: in the buff]

The way Judah looks at me is different to the way anyone else has ever looked at me before.

I’m not even really sure how to describe it except for the fact that it’s like he knows me. Really knows me.

{Even just writing that out feels so silly, to be honest. Cheese, anyone? Cliche??}

But truly, there is something different about this kid.

Perhaps it is all me, all my perception.

I don’t know how much of it is due to those months I carried him, unsure of his health, unsure of what doctors were saying to us, unsure of our future.

Perhaps it is that I wore him more, co-slept with him more, and nursed him a little more as a newborn.

He’s changing the way I parent in ways I’m not yet fully able to articulate.

I don’t love him more than I love my Levi. (Oh, how I love my Levi something fierce.)

I just love him different.

And he, too, loves me different than the way Levi loves me.

Who can ever understand the love between mother and child? I’m a mother and yet even I can’t fully understand.

But something deep in this little baby rocks me in a way I’ve not been rocked before.

Some days it’s just the quiet way he looks at me – always looking at me, always aware of where I am. (And where I am not.)

But it’s there – that something.

God in the eyes of a child… looking at me, loving me, telling me that it’s all going to be okay, telling me that I’m beautiful, telling me that I’m enough.

Dear friends, how about some random from me today? I’m not normally one to be at a loss for words. (Hello, opposite problem!) But there’s something brewing in my heart about this little one that I want—yet don’t know how—to share. All I can squeak out is this little vague glimpse… so I’ll just have to leave it at that. How are you being rocked by your child lately?

P.S. Judah was having some diaper-free time while big brother was napping. As soon as he was stripped down to the buff I realized he’s four-and-a-half months and I don’t have any photos of him sans clothes… so out came the camera. (Of course.) It was such amazing light and he was being so. dang. cute. I didn’t even adjust his eyes in the processing – that’s how amazing the light was. Gosh, I love these. Gosh, I love him. (So. Much.)

in the buff: #7 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

I clearly remember thinking that four to six months was the most challenging [...]]]>

It’s easy to be a “good” mom during the day when the littles are happy and smiling and being cute… But what about nighttime parenting? That’s really where the rubber hits the road and your true parenting values come out.

I clearly remember thinking that four to six months was the most challenging age with Levi’s babyhood.

Even though it’s not that long ago, I can’t remember exactly why I thought it was so difficult. Sleep regression factored in there, as did teething, but beyond that I really can’t remember much of the detail.

Judah is now four-and-a-half months old and I’m finding myself stretched thin once again… and having similar thoughts.

I’ve well and truly emerged from that fourth trimester and found that my little one has a mind of his own.

And maybe part of the struggle (now that he has a mind of his own) is that he’s looking at me thinking, Mama, don’t you know my every thought? My every need? And I. just. don’t.

I never will.

You see he had been sleeping through the night fairly regularly from roughly 7pm to 7am, and ohmygoodness did it change things. I knew I couldn’t count on it to continue, but that’s the problem with babies sleeping through the night – once they do you expect them to continue even if you “know better”. (And I do know better. He very well should be waking to feed once or twice at this age.)

Unfortunately knowing better doesn’t magically change your expectations.

These last couple of weeks he’s not only back to waking up at night, he’s waking up several times a night. (A few nights ago it was every two hours – help me God!)

And because of the exhaustion, I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting – what is it and what does it cost?

In the grand scheme of things, exhaustion is a very small price to pay for the immense blessing of children. But in the moment, when sleep is illusive and nothing feels like “yours” anymore, it can be tricky to remember that.

I admit that often during the wee hours I hear him stir and then fuss and then call out for me… and I groan (sometimes only inwardly) in response to what’s required of me.

I get up. I feed him. I take him back to his bassinet a few feet away or I let him sleep with us.

I deliberately don’t look at my phone to see what time it is. I deliberately lose count of how many times he’s already woken. And I remind myself that this is a season…. A very, very short season.

But then in the morning (after the sleepy fog has rolled away) I remember back to the night. I think about my baby and how he needs me. I think about the fact that I’m not just a food source, but his most important source of comfort and reassurance and life. I think about motherhood and the cost that really is so small (and sometimes feels so big).

And I feel bad, disappointed in myself.

I want to parent at night the way I parent during the day, but I realize that I often have a case of split personality disorder – strong and sacrificial and giving by day, grumbling and complaining and reluctant at night.

That’s not the kind of mother I want to be.

I want to be a mother who gives and loves and sacrifices freely. Not one who does so according to when it’s convenient to me or not. (Or when it’s impossible not to be, like when he’s being so darn cute during the day.)

But the sad truth is, I’m often “bothered” by being up in the night. I’m often grumpy about it. I’m often hung up on my “right” to sleep.

And here’s my reality check: having children demands that I give up some of my rights, at least for a while.

Judah might surprise me and go to sleep tonight and not wake until the morning.

Chances are, he won’t.

And maybe that’s the way it should be…

He’s teaching me consistency. He’s teaching me humility. He’s teaching me sacrifice. He’s teaching me generosity.

All lessons I very much need to learn.

And maybe, just maybe, he won’t sleep all the way through again until I’ve learned the lessons that I need to.

I’m becoming okay with that as I try to embrace whatever it is that will shape me the way I need to be shaped.

For his sake.

For my own.

Dear friends, have you thought much about your nighttime parenting? Are you a different parent by night than you are by day? And are you okay with that?

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

If mothers speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, we’re nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate… if mothers have faith that says to a mountain, “jump,” and it jumps, but we don’t love, we’re nothing… If mothers give everything we own to the poor… but we don’t love, we’ve [...]]]>

If mothers speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, we’re nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate… if mothers have faith that says to a mountain, “jump,” and it jumps, but we don’t love, we’re nothing… If mothers give everything we own to the poor… but we don’t love, we’ve gotten nowhere.

So, no matter what mothers say, what mothers believe, and what mothers do, we’re bankrupt without love.

A mother’s love never gives up.
A mother’s love cares more for others than for herself.
A mother’s love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
A mother’s love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
And isn’t always “me first.”
A mother’s love doesn’t fly off the handle,
And it doesn’t keep score of the sins of others.
A mother’s love doesn’t revel when others grovel;
It takes pleasure in the flowering of truth.
A mother’s love puts up with anything,
And trusts God always.
A mother’s love always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

A mother’s love never dies.

-Paul to the people of Corinth as recorded in The Message (with lots of liberty taken)

Dear friends, Happy Valentines Day to you and yours! I hope you are so aware of love today – the love of others toward you, and the amazing love that you give every single day.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

Dear Boy Moms,

Raising boys can be tiring.

They are loud. They are dirty. They are busy. They are active… very.

But don’t we have the wonderful privilege of raising not just boys… but raising boys to be good men?

The world needs a few [...]]]>

I’m not just raising boys… I’m raising men. Good men.

Dear Boy Moms,

Raising boys can be tiring.

They are loud. They are dirty. They are busy. They are active… very.

But don’t we have the wonderful privilege of raising not just boys… but raising boys to be good men?

The world needs a few more good men.

This is the type of man that I’m hoping to raise:

Men that will treat women with the utmost value and who will respect their opinions and rights and bodies and intelligence.

Men that will serve others and not just want to be served themselves.

Men that will look out for the underdog and use their strength to help those in need.

Men that will not be afraid to give hugs and hold hands and help strangers and high five kids for kicking a great goal (even if they are on the opposing team).

Men that will know what it means to share in keeping house and home.

Men that will have conviction and backbone, sensitivity and tact.

Men that aren’t afraid to cry when they need to.

Men that will have faith and follow-through and strong values and noble priorities.

Men that will make great husbands and fathers and employees and bosses.

Men that will know they are special and can change their world if they have the right motives and friends and inspiration.

Men that will be both confident and humble.

Men that will be tough and men that will be tender.

Men that will work hard and rest well.

Men that think sports and sewing and cars and cooking are all good and noble pursuits, regardless of the “gender” typically assigned to those different tasks (and countless others).

Men that will understand that to become a husband and father is the greatest privilege and also the greatest sacrifice they will ever make… and the one that will reap the richest reward.

Men that will fill their family’s love banks to overflowing even if their bank accounts are dried up.

Men that wisely know when to uphold tradition (hello, Christmas!) and when to break the mold and adopt a new way.

Men with solid beliefs who have the courage to live them out.

Men who are kind and men who are loving.

Men who will know when to be captains and when to be cheerleaders.

Yes, boy moms, isn’t that the type of man you want your boy to become too?

Lofty but possible. Possible, I know, because I’ve just described my husband.

Much love,
a boy mom trying my best, just like you xx

Note: In case you missed it, this is the follow-up to my post about dealing with gender disappointment during pregnancy when finding out I was having a boy (and why I love being a “boy mom” now). Apparently (judging by your comments) many of you can relate…

Dear friends, how about you? What sort of men do you want to raise? And girl moms, what type of men do you want us boy moms to raise for your daughters?

best buddies: #6 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

It was a routine diaper change—nothing out of the ordinary—when all of a sudden Levi pointed to himself “down there” and enthusiastically said, “NUTS! NUTS!” with a big grin on his face (clearly impressed with himself).

I thought I might have heard him incorrectly so I just ignored it.

Moments later he said it [...]]]>

It was a routine diaper change—nothing out of the ordinary—when all of a sudden Levi pointed to himself “down there” and enthusiastically said, “NUTS! NUTS!” with a big grin on his face (clearly impressed with himself).

I thought I might have heard him incorrectly so I just ignored it.

Moments later he said it again: “NUTS! NUTS!”

This baffled me a little since Ryan and I have talked about using “proper” names for body parts as he’s learning (knowing that kids have plenty of time to learn slang later).

But surely my husband taught him this. After all, it sounds like him…

Later that night I asked Ryan about it and told him what happened. We had a little giggle but Ryan reassured me that he’s not used the term nuts in that context with Levi.

We shrugged our shoulders and moved on. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

The next week Ryan was driving in the car with Levi when someone cut him off. “Aw, NUTS!” Ryan said (determined not to swear).

A light bulb clicked. Maybe Levi has just heard nuts used as an expletive and it was a coincidence that he was grabbing himself when saying it last week.

Never mind.

But then a few days later Ryan was changing Levi’s diaper when again he said, “NUTS! NUTS!” while pointing to himself.

Still unsure if he’d heard correctly, Ryan ignored it and continued with the diaper change.

And then this…

“NUTS! NUTS!” Levi said as he pointed to himself.

“BIG NUTS! BIG NUTS!” he then said as he grinned and pointed to Ryan (in the right area, I might add).

Apparently he knows what he’s talking about after all.

Where do kids learn this stuff?

And so it begins… Ha!

Dear friends, no doubt Levi learned this from some of our friends’ boys who are 4-6 years old. (Boys that age think the word “nuts” in that context is hi.lar.i.ous.) It was bound to happen eventually, but I was surprised that Levi learned it so early!! How about you? What have your kids said to surprise you lately?

Linking in with Chelsea at the Paper Mama.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

It’s the middle of summer here… which also means the middle of rainy season.

That means we have to get creative with our indoor play.

This weekend [...]]]>

Every kid’s room begs for a quiet corner, right? How about transforming that old dishwasher box into a reading cubby or a playhouse or a fort?!

It’s the middle of summer here… which also means the middle of rainy season.

That means we have to get creative with our indoor play.

This weekend I got a dishwasher box that someone was throwing away…

A few dollars and a of couple hours later, we had this:

Here are five quick tips for making your own reading cubby or fort out of a cardboard box:

1) Draw windows and doors on your cardboard box with a marker before cutting with a stanley knife.

2) Cut the windows out, making sure to leave plenty of box “in tact” so it won’t compromise the structure or end up flimsy.

3) Paint the box! You can skip this step if you want, but I found that a simple coat of paint or two transforms the whole thing. We had some leftover white paint in the garage from another project and it did the job perfectly.

4) Decorate the box by trimming the windows, drawing or painting on it (or let the kids do it themselves!), or adding names or words.

5) Make it cozy inside with few stuffed animals, a small container of books, a pillow, and a flashlight.

There you have it – an easy-peasy little cubby house or quiet corner that your kids will love!

Bonus tips for making your cubby house:

1) I wanted to use fun shapes for the windows so I used a star, diamond, square, heart, and circle. The corners of the star and the rounded heart and circle were harder to trim than the others for obvious reasons. To keep it even simpler, stick with squares and diamonds and rectangles.

2) Cut in the base of the door above the floor (as pictured). If you cut it all the way through to the ground, the box will be much less sturdy.

3) Decide if you want to be able to join the kids or not. I purposely made the door just big enough so that I could squeeze in, but not big enough for my husband to fit. Haha, that sounds really bad! But actually he’s not very flexible so it would be torture for him to curl up in there. Making the door a bit too small for him gives him a good excuse to not go inside. (“Sorry sweets, daddy’s too big!”)

4) Think about the space it will live in. (In our case, the boys’ bedroom.) I was going to decorate the cubby with some pages from a vintage children’s book I have, but decided that since the room is so small (and already quite full!) I had better keep it very simple and clean-looking. I wanted it to blend into the room as much as possible, and not add to the clutter. (Well… blend as much as a massive cardboard box can!)

Dear friends, did you have a cardboard box cubby house when you were a kid? I sure did! I hope you and your littles can make a fun reading cubby or quiet corner together sometime soon.  Tell me, will you stick with a house-type cubby? Or will you get adventurous and build a ship or rocket or another fun cubby?

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

I never make mistakes. I always get it right. I know exactly what I’m doing.

Um……… no.

N.O.

In fact, I have a lot of ideals. I also have some ideas.

But more than that I have parenting values. And [...]]]>

I’m a perfect mother. I have all the answers. I have it all worked out.

I never make mistakes. I always get it right. I know exactly what I’m doing.

Um……… no.

N.O.

In fact, I have a lot of ideals. I also have some ideas.

But more than that I have parenting values. And it’s these values that guide my actual behaviors as a mother – my parenting.

for the record, the matchy matchy was totally unplanned thankyouverymuch.

When I read about Sarah’s Practices of Parenting Carnival recently I knew I wanted to participate. The thought of trying to articulate the things most important to me in my parenting is a little overwhelming, but even as a (relatively) new mom, I think it’s important to work through these things with my spouse and nail them on our hearts while our littles are still well and truly… little.

By no means do I have this stuff perfected. I’m still learning, and by learning I mean I sometimes get to the end of the day and say, “Oh God have I screwed everything up for good this time??”

I’m making mistakes and “rewriting” this stuff on the unwritten tablets of my family’s value system every single day.

But these are values. And it’s my values that guide my behavior as a parent… my parenting.

Please know as I share this stuff—these practices of parenting—that these are mine and I don’t write them to stir up others to compare or debate or whatever.

I write them so that they are more deeply engrained in my own heart.

And I write them because—let’s be honest—I write everything I don’t want to forget. Ha!

These won’t be in any special order, just the order they came to me as I sat down to brainstorm and write.

This will be a long post, so feel free to skim the bullet points and/or pause wherever your interest is sparked.

My practices of parenthood:

The practice of emphasizing learning over grades.

I sailed through school with flying colors; Ryan scraped by with just enough to “pass”. We both know that this doesn’t make me smarter than him, it just makes us different. We recognize that grades don’t reflect intelligence and that each person is “smart” in his or her own ways. We are more concerned with our children’s learning than we are with their report cards, so our emphasis will always on the question, “are they growing and learning?” We encourage learning by actively reading to and with our kids and by being deliberate with real-life learning scenarios.

The practice of speaking truth and life.

Words have the power to bring life or destroy. We try to be very careful not to label our kids or speak to them in ways that would damage their little minds or spirits. This also factors into the way we speak about them, whether they are listening or not. It means that we even try to watch subtleties, for instance phrases like “good boy”. We don’t want our kids to grow up thinking they are only “good” when they’ve accomplished something or pleased someone, so we never say “good boy!” in response to something we’re pleased with. (We say things instead like “good job” or “well done” or “that’s amazing” or “good listening”.)

The practice of creativity, imagination, and play.

Kids learn best through play and we love the idea of fostering their sense of creativity and imagination through deliberate play. As parents we want our kids to “act their age” and enjoy their childhood. And we want to enjoy their childhood too! (What better way than to build forts and play legos??) This means being silly, having adventures, and keeping a sense of humor as best we can. And let’s be honest here friends, I enjoy my kids a whole lot more when I take the time to actually play with them. Go figure.

The practice of rhythm.

We have found that kids need structure and boundaries in order to thrive. (Adults too, in fact!) But adhering to strict “schedules” can feel stifling or make me feel like I’ve failed when they are interrupted. We prefer instead to have a rhythm to our days – a routine rather than a schedule. It’s helpful for the kiddos to know expectations and bring security, but it’s not obsessive clock-watching.

The practice of discipline as teaching, not punishment.

The root of discipline actually means “to teach, to instruct, or to cause to learn” and that’s my mission as a parent as I approach discipline issues. To me discipline is much more about teaching and training than it is about punishment. This is a great, big hot, sticky mess of a topic, but for now I’ll leave it with just saying the main question I ask myself when determining what is and is not appropriate behavior on my part when disciplining my kids is this: “Is this type of discipline (fill-in-the-blank) going to help my child learn to make their own good choices in the long run? Or will it just help them make mine?”

The practice of trust.

Trusting my husband and his wisdom and intentions as a dad, trusting my littles (that they really aren’t out to get me, even on “those” days!), and trusting myself and my own intuition… These are all difficult, but freeing acts of trust that make my parenting so much better (and more enjoyable!). Not only do I trust us, I also trust that God is bigger than our mistakes and short comings and can make something amazing out of our worst mess if need be.

{family: linking up with the paper mama}

The practice of family unity.

We spend time together. We enjoy each other. We play together. We read together. We work together. We want our kids to understand that we’re all on the same team. It’s not a kid’s team and a parent’s team. We’re in the game together.

The practice of independence.

It’s so important that each family member gets the time and space to do things that they enjoy best. This helps fill our emotional tanks and gives us fuel to be our best. It might mean building something in the workshop for daddy, writing for mama, music for Levi, or who knows what for Judah. (He’s still too little to know!) As much as we value unity, we also want to foster a healthy sense of independence.

The practice of inclusiveness.

We want to include our kids on family decisions as is age-appropriate. We believe their input is valuable and that their questions may help us to see circumstances or possibilities with more clarity. As a member of our family, each child has a voice that’s valuable and necessary and worthy of being heard.

The practice of hospitality.

Although we are not a “rich” family by some people’s standards, we are incredibly rich. We believe that it’s our responsibility and privilege to be generous with others by inviting them into our home, taking care of them, and helping to meet their needs in whatever way possible. This goes with our time and hearts as well as our possessions and resources.

The practice of listening.

We want our kids to listen when we speak, just as they want us to listen when they speak. Listening is critical to us genuinely valuing our kids and having a healthy family dynamic of openness and trust. When we are committed to listening, it helps us to not jump to conclusions or assume they are out to get us when they disagree or disobey!

The practice of humility.

None of us are exempt from mistakes or faulty opinions. We try to teach our kids that saying “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry” shows personal courage and is a way to demonstrate kindness and respect to someone else. This includes us parents! If either of us wrongs the kids in any way we are quick to admit, “mama was wrong” and ask for forgiveness. Kids need to see that it’s ok to make mistakes, and they also need to see how to deal with them in humility when they happen.

The practice of affection.

I make it a practice to tell my kids “I love you” and “I think you’re amazing” and “I like you so much” throughout the day – not just when saying goodbye or goodnight. I also like to give hugs and high fives and thumbs up and lots of grins and winks throughout the day. It’s important to me that my kids grow up feeling incredibly loved and liked by us.

The practice of prayer.

We pray when we “need” things and when we don’t. We pray with thanks and we pray with hope. Our intention is to teach our children that no matter is too great or too small for God’s attention.

The practice of serving.

As a family we are called to serve one another. This means in both the big and the small. Sometimes serving can be as “little” as bringing someone a tall glass of water when they’re working in the yard without being asked. (Or responding to a baby’s cry in the middle of the night.) It’s learning to anticipate the needs and wants of the other and making them happen just because we can. It also means learning to serve with joy even when—especially when—it costs us something. We hope that as we teach our children to serve one another, they will naturally begin to serve others beyond our family as well.

The practice of volunteerism.

Building on “the practice of serving”, we look for opportunities to serve in our community and overseas with our children. We want them to see that volunteerism isn’t just for adults and that they have a valuable contribution to make no matter their age, talent, or experience. They are a blessing “as is” – not just when they’re grown-ups!

The practice of faith.

We are a family that has faith in the goodness of God and faith in the goodness of others. Living with faith helps us to see the world as a better place and helps us to pursue our dreams. (A cliché, but true!!) It also means having faith in one another – believing the best in each other (and in each other’s intentions!).

The practice of gratitude.

Grateful people are happy and contented people. Teaching my kids gratitude starts with simple things like appreciating whoever cooked dinner, always writing thank you cards, thanking God for blessings and provision, and finding things to be grateful for in difficult circumstances.

The practice of celebration.

We celebrate holidays, celebrate achievements, celebrate milestones, and celebrate life in general! In some ways it’s really just a more over-the-top form of thanksgiving, but I believe it’s an important part of making the most out of life.

The practice of tradition.

Tradition helps build memories and helps create a sense of family unity. We have traditions for holidays and milestones and most anything worth commemorating. Traditions help to mark the passing of time and also help build excited anticipation for the future.

The practice of valuing diversity.

The world is a big, big place with people from many nations, religions, interests, and beliefs. At the risk of (again) sounding cliché, we really do want to teach our children about the beauty and strength in diversity and help them understand why it’s so important. This means that as parents we have to value diversity, both in others and also in our own children. (For us it also means honoring each other’s cultures since we have a cross-cultural marriage.)

The practice of extending kindness.

Kindness is what paves the way for peace, charity, and good relationships on all levels. As a mother, I always want to treat my littles with kindness, as well as model to them what it looks like to treat others with kindness. When I treat my littles kindly, I get to the end of my day and can rest my head in peace knowing that I treated them as they deserve.

The practice of respect.

We feel it’s important to respect that our children are their own little people. We never force hugs, kisses, or affection. This goes for ourselves as well as with others. If someone gets offended because my child does not want to be held by them, or will not give them a “cuddle”, I’m sorry, but they will have to be the adult and get over it! Love is never forced, it always respects, and even littles need their space sometimes too.

The practice of responsibility.

The best way for children to learn responsibility is to be entrusted with it. We try not to do “for” our children things that they can do themselves. (Although we do things “with” them a lot!!) We want them to learn that responsibility is a privilege, not a burden or a right. And trust me, this one is hard right now because Levi has entered that I-can-do-everything-myself phase. (That’s one way to slow down a grown woman!) But even when my patience begins to wear thin, I understand that allowing him to “have a go” is an important part of his development process (not to mention my letting-go process as a mom!).

The practice of community and family.

We have a handful of good friends that are more than just friends, they are family, they are lifeline. We need them in our lives for so many reasons and our children need them too. They help keep us grounded and they help keep us afloat. They help keep us moving forward and they help keep us sane. They make our life better and we hope we make theirs better too.

The practice of extending grace.

I need grace. The kids need grace. My husband needs grace. If I am not extending grace to my littles and husband, then I’m setting them up to fail every single time. No mother wants to see her family fail, so why would I want to limit these precious loves to “perfection”? And if I’m not extending myself grace, then I will never be able to enjoy motherhood because I’ll constantly feel less than. below par. unable to measure up to my own expectations. Grace is the breath that gives life to the soul. Our family cannot thrive without it.

Dear friends, dang, this turned into a long, long list. And no doubt it will grow and morph and change and be edited as I grow and evolve as a parent. And I know I said it in the intro, but I’ll say it again… These things work for us (and are important to us), but I also don’t presume our way is the best way. It’s just *our* way. What are your practices of parenting? Do we have any similar ones? Or vastly different? What would you like to add? If you’re here with Sarah’s carnival, please be sure to leave me your link in the comments so I can come check out your practices over the course of the week.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

{5|52}

We were convinced it was a girl. We wanted a girl. We even had chosen a girl’s name while we were still engaged.

So [...]]]>

How I dealt with gender disappointment during pregnancy when finding out I was having a boy… and how much I love being a mom to boys now.

{5|52}

We were convinced it was a girl. We wanted a girl. We even had chosen a girl’s name while we were still engaged.

So when the sonographer told us “it’s a boy” it came as a big surprise.

But the bigger surprise was how much disappointment came with hearing those three little words.

I was shocked by it in fact.

I genuinely thought I’d be happy either way.

But I wasn’t. I was sad.

(Ok, I was actually happy and sad – you get it, right?)

My husband squeezed my hand. Though I may have been hiding it from everyone else, he could read the look on my face. And he probably knew me better than I even knew myself.

It wasn’t just that the news caught us by surprise; the deeper issue was that I was ashamed at my sadness.

The guilt of it came immediately crushing down.

I was desperate that my baby would feel no sense of rejection over his life from us, even stemming from his time in the womb, and so the fact that I dealt with these emotions made me feel like a failure before he was even in my arms.

But over the next few days the news began to sink in.

I’m having a boy.

I always wanted a boy. It’s just that I always imagined having a girl first.

I had looked forward to tea parties, playing dress-up, dollies, and shopping excursions – all the things my little girl self enjoyed, and all the things I imagined my grown-up self to love all over again with a little in tow.

But as that boy news sunk in – as I gave up my ideas of little cardigans and leg warmers and cute mary jane’s – I began to get excited about having a boy.

Really excited.

So excited that by the time he was born having a girl was the farthest thing from my radar.

And so excited, even, that when we found out our second pregnancy was also a boy, I was over-the-moon about being a mom to brothers!

Now that I have two boys on the outside I’m realizing more and more what a privilege it is to be a mom to boys.

This world is in desperate need of more “good men”. We’ve heard it a thousand times… and it’s true.

I have the privilege—the responsibility—to now raise good men.

And as much as I’d still love a girl to call our own, I’m also now so aware of the part I can play in history by raising wonderful boys… to be men.

I like it.

No, I love it.

I can’t imagine it any other way than to be a boy mom.

And for the record, I still get to have tea parties and play dress up sometimes. Yay.

Pssst… Someone turned two on Sunday. We had a beautiful family day together (just us and a couple special aunties). He got a big box full of cowboy gear from Gigi and Grampy in America… and a new train set. (Such a boy!) His kid party was today (can you guess?? cowboy theme!), but more on that one later this week.

Dear friends, did you experience gender disappointment with your babies? Did it make you feel guilty or ashamed? How did you get over it?

P.S. A little shout out to some of my “boy mom” friends – Roz, Mandy, Rachel, Greta, Courtney, and Rachel! You are great moms!!

cowboy: #5 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

So many of my earliest childhood memories center around playing house. Whether we were playing “Little House on the Prairie”, building a fort outside, or dressing and redressing our dollies, I always wanted to “play house” so I could be the mom, have babies, and mother the children.

Now that I am the [...]]]>

So many of my earliest childhood memories center around playing house. Whether we were playing “Little House on the Prairie”, building a fort outside, or dressing and redressing our dollies, I always wanted to “play house” so I could be the mom, have babies, and mother the children.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.