It’s my third Mothers Day as a mom.

In the great big scope of life, I’m still a total newbie.

These boys that are so funny and strong and clever and wild and adorable… I sometimes find it hard to imagine that they came from my own womb.

Sometimes, you know, I still feel like a girl.

Who would trust me to be the owie-kisser-night-comforter-memory-keeper-tradition-maker-menu-planner-stroller-pusher-baby-wearer-tower-builder-tear-wiper…

Mom?

I still have moments (though less and less entire days) when I don’t feel like I’m “mom enough”.

But mostly, I know that I’m enough. That I’m best. That although I’m not perfect in my ways, I am perfect for my boys and no one could be more perfectly-suited to be their mom.

Before I had children I’d sometimes look at moms and feel sorry for them, thinking they had lost themselves in their children. (Where had their old selves gone?)

And now I realize that motherhood changes you, and it should.

I’m not that same girl I was three years ago. Nor do I want to be.

I see the world so differently now – at times through the eyes of two small boys – but mostly through the eyes of their biggest admirer and cheerleader.

And I see myself so differently now too – my weaknesses are more obvious and my strengths are more pronounced.

My contribution to the world—even in “just” being their mom—is amazing. (And yet, I know it goes beyond that as well.)

It’s in making peace with the growing that I come to realize that yes, indeed, I am “mom enough”.

The media will always sensationalize, stir, and inflame debate. (You all know what I’m talking about here – TIME’s latest on the “mommy wars” and attachment parenting with the blonde bombshell breastfeeding her three-year-old on the cover.)

But honestly?

Regardless of the “wars” and varying parenting styles and all the rest of it…

I’m glad for this little media frenzy.

Not glad that it might incite debate and comparison for some—let’s not be fooled here—but because look at the countless moms rising up in response to say:

I. am. mom. enough.

And you are.

Sometimes it’s in being challenged in our ideals that we actually find the conviction to stand for truth.

My hope is that this Mother’s Day women all over the world will be making their own declarations:

I. am. mom. enough.

And that we’ll really believe it.

We need to believe it.

For our own sake, for our children, and for the generations that are held within our children. We must believe.

I’ve been so focused on other moms this year (hello, we are approaching 3500 clean birth kits donated – wowzers), that I was glad to have the media uproar as a reminder to not let Mothers Day pass without reflecting on my own mamahood.

So tonight as I prepare for bed after a day full of my lovelies and food, food, and more food (my husband’s love-language, no doubt), I go to bed with a full heart knowing that:

Dear friends, happy Mothers Day for those of you who are mamas. You are so “mom enough.” And for those of you who aren’t moms, happy day to you too.

P.S. Thank you to my Levi for making me a mom. And thank you to my Judah for helping him make me the mom I am today. Love you littles. So much.

P.P.S. My Mother Letter has been featured at (in)courage this weekend – Will you remember? This one is for those of you with aching hearts this Mothers Day. We remember you, too. x

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

Dear mamas and mamas-to-be,

I realize that not all of you breastfeed your babies and I’m okay with that. Truly.

Some of you have tried and circumstances have gotten in your way.

Some of you feel guilty and some of you feel proud.

Some of you have angst and some of you indifference.

Some of you have breastfed for weeks and some for years.

Some of you simply choose not to.

But wherever you stand on the issue, no doubt your heart is for your babies… and no doubt your heart is for other mamas too.

So we need to do something together.

We need to make breastfeeding a big deal again.

You see, somewhere along the way it became controversial. Somewhere along the way it became indecent. Somewhere along the way it became hush hush… very personal.

And it is personal…

But it’s also not.

Around half a million babies are born every day. And those babies? They need to eat.

And those mamas to those babies? They’ve been given exactly what they need to feed their babies.

So why have we let breastfeeding become a word that needs to be whispered? (Or maybe just “translated” to nursing?)

Why is it that there are campaigns running to (re)educate people on the benefits of breastfeeding?

Why is it that there are lawsuits in relation to breastfeeding in public?

Why is it that the television and movies we watch every day rarely include this normal part of daily life?

And why is it that we have to form clubs just so that we can feel comfortable with our choices? (P.S. I’m not a fan.)

The answer? Because we’ve had to.

What happened to breastfeeding being normal?

Somewhere along the way the “normal” has been lost.

Somewhere along the way the “necessary” has been swept aside.

I’m more than aware that some women aren’t able to breastfeed. We are not to gang up on them or make them feel inferior. (That helps no one, gets us nowhere.) Many of them have struggled to reconcile this sensitive issue within themselves as it is and we need to support those mamas too. (This beautiful account from one mom will probably make you cry.)

But the vast majority of women are able to breastfeed, so why aren’t we making a bigger effort to empower them? To educate them? To provide for them?

And to normalize it for them?

Breastfeeding needs to become a big deal again so that it becomes “no big deal”.

It needs to become a big deal so that mothers can get on with the business of feeding their littles (and feeling empowered to do what they were designed to do) in whatever environment they feel comfortable with.

And it needs to become a big deal so that everyone else will let them, encourage them, and honor them as they do so.

Let’s not leave the breastfeeding endorsements to the “lactivists” or the La Leche League-ers or people from this or that category of parenting philosophies. We need “normal” moms everywhere to help push this issue into the light… even more than it already is.

Dear friends, what do you think? Should we be making breastfeeding a big deal? Or is it a “shrug your shoulders” sort of an issue for you? Why?

P.S. You guys are amazing. AMAZING. As of May 10, 2012 we are up to 2446 clean birth kits donated and being made/sent to us. (This tally doesn’t even include all those who have emailed saying that kits are on the way without telling me how many.) Talk about a Happy Mothers Day!!! Thank you for being so awesome and for getting involved in this important issue by helping mamas and babies in the developing world. (Need more info? Here’s your place.)

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

1. Give her some grace for the motherhood journey in the form of a book break.

Buy her a book that will refresh her mother-heart such as Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches, Spirit-Led Parenting, or The Mother Letters (an eBook). Present it to her with a beautiful cup of her favorite coffee or tea and take the kids out for an hour or two. Have a cozy place ready for her to settle into that includes a place to put her feet up.

2. Donate a clean birth kit on her behalf for mothers in developing nations.

In the developing world the risk of infection is the leading cause of maternal mortality. One in 7 women in rural Papua New Guinea don’t survive childbirth. Clean birth kits are proven to drastically reduce the occurrence of infection and for $10 you can sponsor 5 birth kits through Bloggers for Birth Kits. (You can even request a personalized a card for her saying that a donation of X number of kits were made in her name. Details here.)

3. Prepare an at-home day spa.

Give her a basket with a single-use facemask, some lotion or oil, and some bubble bath. Then… leave for a couple of hours. With the kids. To make it extra special, clean the bathroom ahead of time and set up some scented candles, soothing music, or soft lighting. Lay out fresh towels and her favorite bathrobe or slippers. If you’re really keen to go all out, follow-up with a nice foot rub while the kids brush her hair.

4. Make it a Mothers Day weekend.

Clean the house for her on the Saturday before Mothers Day. On Sunday she will love relaxing into some family time knowing that her surroundings are beautiful and taken care of. Of course then you can follow it up by serving her throughout the day – meals, some space for an afternoon nap, or whatever would make her little mama-heart sing.

5. Reach out with your entire family to bless another mother.

Buy a small bouquet of flowers and take it to the children’s ward at the hospital. Ask the nurses if there is a single mother there with her child who might need her day brightened. Or do the same at a local homeless shelter, a retirement center, a refuge for women and children, or simply in your own neighborhood. By extending the blessing of your family, you will bring joy to everyone involved (your own wife/mom included!).

Dear friends, what meaningful Mothers Day gifts would you add to my list?

p.s. Can anyone say crazy-busy? I missed my cuppa post last week and a few other things I meant to publish so just a quick recap here… First of all, we are fast approaching 2000 birth kits. Hello!! This is AH-MAZING. Did you see the one about the struggle between parenting books and trusting yourself? It generated some great comments and discussion. On CC5 there was little baby and enjoying the small things, wholeheartedly and breastfeeding is God’s coffee break for moms and why talking about money is fun, not boring. I guest posted at Brown Eyed Bell(e) about what my c-section and VBAC have in common. And if nothing else you should read this one about being scared to death by Jeff Goins. Good stuff, friends.

p.p.s. Grace for Mom launches this weekend! Do you KNOW how exciting this is???! Kicking off the launch will be 12 days of giveaways. Be there. Sunday. You’re welcome.

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

brand new mom with my brand new baby - levi only a few hours old.

There’s nothing more thrilling and terrifying than being a first-time parent to a newborn. Even as your heart is exploding with newfound love and affection, you’re desperately trying to tick all the boxes and do everything “right”.

After all, we tremble at the thought of our children being in therapy one day because we’ve screwed up their childhood with our (well-intended) parenting blunders.

Starting things off right

I remember clearly the first (and only) time I let Levi “cry it out”. He was about ten days old.

I sat nervously in the living room hearing his tiny scream from the back of the house for nine minutes before he fell asleep.

It worked, I thought. He’s asleep.

Although I wouldn’t admit it at the time—because I was being “strong”—I had mixed feelings about what I’d just done.

Part of me felt pleased – nine minutes of tears isn’t that bad, right? Right? I must have done something right. (Yay, me.) Plus, I’m the mom – it’s my job to teach him stuff, like how to go to sleep without my help.

And then there was the other part of me that felt anxious. Wasn’t my baby crying for a reason for nine minutes? Didn’t he need me? Even as an adult I want to be comforted when I cry, so why on earth wouldn’t my own baby, who knows so little about life apart from me want—no, need—to be comforted too?

My thoughts were incredibly conflicted.

Like all new moms, I was trying desperately to take to heart what experienced moms everywhere advised – trust your own instincts, remember that you’re the mom and you know what’s best – while also trying to “get it right” according to what the “experts” advised.

I so desperately wanted to start things off perfectly right.

Learning from the experts

Even before I was pregnant someone I love and respect dearly gave me a copy of a popular infant care book.

As soon as I became pregnant I devoured it.

It seemed like the perfect scenario:

I could have my baby on a flawlessly predictable schedule, have no doubts that he always had plenty to eat, ensure he would take good, long naps (which would be restorative to both him and to me), and there would be minimal fuss about making it all happen.

Like I said, perfect.

But there was one small problem with the whole thing: it didn’t work for us.

To be fair, maybe it wasn’t working because letting Levi “cry it out” just didn’t sit right with me, so I never could bring myself to follow the book’s instructions to the letter.

But for everything that didn’t happen “by the book” I felt more and more that I was somehow failing my baby. I was “doing it wrong”.

I was missing something.

It certainly wasn’t helping me to gain confidence like I had anticipated it would. Rather, I found myself feeling more and more inadequate and insecure.

It didn’t take me long to ditch the book and seek for “help” elsewhere.

Reading parenting books with a (large) grain of salt

Fast-forward to now, just over two years later.

I’ve read a thousand books on parenting in my short few years as a mom. I can’t help it – I love this topic and I have since long before I had an “excuse” to read them (kids of my own).

As I’ve read I’ve discovered something – you can learn from everywhere and from anyone if you’re willing. I’ve taken something good away from every single book I’ve read, including the one I first read. (Don’t worry, I haven’t literally read a thousand.)

In saying that, there is a catch: I’ve got to be careful when reading these books that I don’t internalize them too much.

A recent study actually showed that parenting books are leaving moms feeling confused and inadequate instead of empowering them.

Does that sound familiar? It does to me.

(Obviously there are exceptions, and I do believe there are great parenting books that are well worth reading like this one and this one and this one just to name a few.)

welcoming our second child, judah (about 10 hours old here)

Finding your own parenting groove

Since those early days I’ve read Ezzo and Sears and everything in-between. There’s not a book that I’ve read that I haven’t learned something from or found something to disagree with. (Some more so than others.)

And as those more experienced moms encouraged me toward, I have learned to trust my own instincts a whole lot more. I still struggle at times. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes wish for the magic formula to solve whatever parenting dilemma I’m currently facing.

But ultimately I know that raising kids requires having faith. You decide on your non-negotiables according to your family values and convictions, and then for the rest you step out into the unknown with the acute awareness that you will have some wild successes and some crushing failures.

You learn from those successes and failures. You humble yourself when you are wrong. You try something else. You reinforce what you know to be true and helpful for your own family. You offer (not push) your perspective to others when it’s invited. And most importantly, you watch and listen to your children, your spouse, and your heart.

Trusting yourself to parent well

Parenting is not rocket science, but it is outrageously complex in its variations.

It’s as personalized as we are individual.

All that to say, if you’re a reader like I am, then by all means read. But as you do so don’t let the books or the “experts” be your plumb line. If you’re not careful you may end up feeling like you fall short, like you don’t measure up… just like the women in the study.

As you wrestle with all of the conflicting opinions, let your gut be your guide.

As cliché as it might sound, you already have what it takes to be the best mom to your littles… if only you give yourself the chance.

On sleep training and cry-it-out and stirring up controversy

As I wrap up I want to emphasize this important message: Every family is different. Although I am not a fan of cry-it-out at all, I’m also not a fan of judging other families and parenting styles. That’s just not okay. I know several families who have wonderful relationships with their children, but take a very different approach in their homes than we do. And guess what? Their families are thriving, too. Some of them are close friends who I deeply respect and admire even though we have very different opinions on some parenting issues. Yes, I have strong opinions (and will probably write more about why another time), but like I said earlier, there is something to learn from every vantage point (if you’re willing). Let me try to make that as clear as I possibly can.

The purpose of this post is not to incite debate on sensitive parenting topics, or to single out any one parenting philosophy to criticize. My own personalized Adriel parenting philosophy is still very much growing and morphing as I learn and mature as a mom (along with my husband). I know this sort of thing can get parents very impassioned, so please keep kindness and respect toward other parents (and me) in your comments. xx

Dear friends, have parenting books (or well-meaning friends) helped you in your parenting? Or injured you? Or both?

P.S. I wrote this post ages ago, and have hummed and hawed about publishing it, but reading about the newly released Spirit Led Parenting has given me courage and some assurance that others have journeyed a similar path to mine. If you are a Christian mom, I think you’ll find the book’s message very refreshing.

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

Well, I’m not.

You’re seriously awesome.

You guys, as of today we are up to 988 birth kits donated and promised through this year’s Mothers Day drive! And we’re only one week in!!

You read that correctly – 988 clean birth kits.

And that’s not even counting the many that have emailed me saying that they’re making kits but haven’t yet confirmed numbers.

Apparently there are a lot of people out there that think mamas and their babies are important.

It’s not just about an impressive number, it’s about lives – the precious, valuable lives of women and children that hang in the balance of poverty, circumstance, and opportunity.

While clean birth kits are not the solution to seeing maternal mortality in the developing world done away with, they will certainly make an impact in seeing infection decrease (the leading cause of maternal death).

Putting a kit together is so, so simple.

Find out more about assembling your own kit here.

Or consider giving $10.00 to put kits into the hands of five expecting mothers.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for getting involved in this year’s campaign.

Every dollar, every kit, every prayer, every post makes a difference.

Dear friends, haven’t gotten involved yet? Join the movement. Find out how here.

p.s. If you’ve written about Bloggers for Birth Kits, please link up your blog below:

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

You really should read these guys:

So excited about Simple Design that just launched. It’s part of the Simple Media family… all amazing blogs.

Dishes and Litany and all that Beauty by Mama:Monk. Read it, mamas. No need to thank me, just be blessed.

This week on the Memos:

As a part of the Mother Letters project, I wrote Will You Remember Her? about women who struggle with joy. Here’s an excerpt: “You—who are so like God himself in your creating and nurturing and laboring and the handing over of your very glory to another—will you remember her…” continue reading.

Hooked on Instagram. Are you?

username: adrielbooker

Bloggers for Birth Kits:

This week has been all about the launch of this year’s Mothers Day Drive for Bloggers for Birth Kits.

“My heart cries for the women who fear birth, not because they’re afraid of the pain or of not getting their post-baby body back quick enough, but because they know that they might not be one of the fortunate ones.” –Megan, Boho Mama

I’m so pleased to say that we already have 610 kits promised (being assembled and sent to us). This is amaaaaazing!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the many women who are blogging the cause, sharing the link on facebook, pinning, and tweeting about this initiative!! Here are some of the blogs that are helping to promote B4BK so that we can improve the chances of more women birthing safely in the developing world.

Click Clink Five:

• I don’t go to church, or do I? | Thoughts on church.
• Homesick, and the ache of More | Thoughts on heaven.
• Confession: I’m a sucker for reality TV | Thoughts on… something a little “lighter”.

CC5 is my other blog where I write for five minutes every day on topics from faith to politics, entertainment to travel to… you name it. Oh, and this wee little blog is unfancy and unedited. Stream-of-conscious, baby.

Project 52:

I’ve been absolutely loving this age with Judah lately. He’s just this perfect size to sling on my hip or snooze on my back in the Ergo like my very own koala. I’m loving the way he stretches his arms out to be picked up and the way he pulls your face close and plants big, slobbery smooches when you’re least expecting. He’s really getting cuter lately too, so it’s incredibly hard not to gushgushgush. (Sorry.) I have been, however, slightly lamenting the loss of my little gummer. I miss him being able to gnaw on my fingers without being cut by his three (almost four) teeth.

And then this photo just went and changed my mind. I’m now loving the little toofers.

[17|52: pearly whites]

Fave pin from the week:

At 18 I packed my backpack and headed to Europe for two months. (I came back over a year later.) To this day it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done with my life. Exploring the world as a young person helped me to grow up, understand myself, appreciate people, celebrate differences, and even begin to search for God. If you’re a young’un reading this blog… this word is for you!

Pinterest board of the week: A Room for the Littles

Because I love, love, loooove decorating and styling rooms… here’s a bit of kids bedroom inspiration for you.

Dear friends, I am so inspired by you and the way you’re getting on board with Bloggers for Birth Kits to help improve the chances of safe birth in developing nations!! Thank you for using your voice and influence to help promote this important issue. If you haven’t already, please consider getting involved.

pearly whites: #17 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

Help save a mama’s life this Mothers Day

Have you ever had a rough day parenting where everything’s gone wrong? The baby won’t stop crying, the toddler won’t stop yelling, the dinner is burning, your well-laid-out plans fell through, the laundry’s refusing to fold itself, and the energy to cope just. isn’t. there?

Of course you have.

One of my hardest stints as a mom was around this time last year. I was in that I’m-so-tired-I-might-die part of early pregnancy. My toddler was teething molars and consequently not sleeping well (hello overtired, overactive bundle of fire!). It was Melt Down City around here. My husband was away on a work trip in Papua New Guinea for four weeks and I was feeling overwhelmed by going at it alone.

Mothers Day was approaching and I was feeling mopey and sorry for myself. Who would make me breakfast in bed? Who would give me a day “off” to do something meeeeee-centered that I enjoyed? Who would bring me flowers?

At some point of wallowing in my own self-centeredness, I began to think of moms in places that would never expect to be celebrated the way I was assuming I “deserved”.

I thought of moms like the ones in rural Papua New Guinea where the rate of maternal death is 1 in 7 and it shook me right out of my pathetic, self-centered pity party.

After all, if I had birthed my firstborn in PNG, would I still be alive today? Would my friends?

Instead of focusing on what I didn’t have, I decided that I would focus on honoring these precious and brave women by doing my small part to make their lives better.

In that moment…

…Bloggers for Birth Kits was born.

Clean birth kits can save lives

Did you know that a simple clean birth kit can help save a mom’s life? Did you know that for around $2-3 you can assemble one? And did you know that everything you need to make one can be found easily and quickly at your local hardware store and pharmacy?

Look how simple these clean birth kits are…

And yet, even in their simplicity, they can mark the difference between life and death for a woman unable to get to a regional clinic for birthing her baby.

Clean Birth Kit specifics

1. Soap (for the birth attendant to wash her hands). Use a hotel-size soap or cut a regular bar of soap into 1/8-sized pieces. (Microwave the bar of soap for 30 seconds to soften it for cutting).

2. One pair of plastic gloves (for the birth attendant to wear).

3. Five squares of gauze (to wipe the mum’s perineum and baby’s eyes). Gauze pieces should be about 10×10 centimeters or 3×3 inches.

4. One blade (to cut the cord). You can buy individually wrapped sterile blades at the pharmacist or buy utility blades (much cheaper) at the hardware store. We teach the women to boil the blades for sterilization, so utility blades work just fine.

5. Three pieces of string (2 for tying the cord, 1 for “just in case”). String should be about 30 centimeters or 10 inches long.

6. One plastic sheet (for a clean birthing surface). Sheet should be approximately 1×1 meter or 1×1 yard and can be purchased at your hardware or paint store.

7. One sandwich-size ziplock bag (to pack the contents).

Will you join me?

This year, in honor of Mothers Day, will you join me in making a difference in the area of maternal and infant care in the developing world by contributing to our clean birth kit drive?

How to get involved in Bloggers for Birth Kits:

1. Make a birth kit. Assemble one yourself or gather a group of girlfriends, a moms group, work associates, or a church group to make a box full of them! Mail your kits to: Adriel Booker, Bloggers for Birth Kits, PO Box 6221, Townsville, Queensland, 4810, Australia

2. Donate for a birth kit to be made on your behalf. ($10 will buy 5 kits!) All donations for B4BK go toward the assembly and distribution of kits, as well as maternal care education. Make your online donation here. Please be sure to write “Bloggers for Birth Kits” in the box that says “additional comments” so the funds will be allocated properly!

3. Help raise awareness by posting about the cause on your blog, facebook, pinterest, and twitter (using #B4BirthKits), or add the Bloggers for Birth Kits button to your blog. (See the footer for code.)

You can also watch this video that I made last year. (Feel free to repost it or link to it.) During the first part I tell the story of how B4BK was born, and from the 3-minute mark you can see step-by-step instructions for how to assemble your own kit.

Moms loving moms

I know from the response to Bloggers for Birth Kits last year that moms care about moms. (We raised over 2000 kits!!) We love our children and we know without a doubt that every mother’s heart beats the same. When given the chance we are quick to lend a hand to other mamas in need.

Why don’t you consider donating funds or—even better—gathering a group of your mama-friends together to assemble your own box of kits?

200 clean birth kits recently assembled by some friends and I... now ready to sail to PNG!

These kits, along with hundreds more, are sailing on our Medical Ship, to Papua New Guinea. (Ryan and I will take the boys to join our volunteers there in August. And let me tell you – we. can’t. wait.)

Dear friends, will you consider extending beyond yourself this Mothers Day to remember her who doesn’t enjoy the luxuries that you and I do? And will you make a tangible step to improve or save the life of a mama you’ve never met?

P.S. Wondering what to get your mom for Mothers Day?

If you’d like to give your mom (or granny or another special woman) a meaningful gift this Mothers Day, consider making a donation to B4BK on her behalf. I will email you a personalized printable that you can include in her card. Here’s last year’s card:

Make sure when you donate online that you put the following in the comment/note section of the form: Bloggers for Birth Kits, to Gwen (your mom’s name) from Adriel & Ryan (your name), 10 kits. (This example is for a $20 donation. Please donate in increments of $10 only – 5 kits for $10, 10 kits for $20, 15 kits for $30, etc.)

Cut-off for Mothers Day cards

If you’d like to make a donation that includes a Mothers Day cardthe deadline is Wednesday, May 9th. You’re more than welcome to make donations after that date, I just won’t be able to make you a card for your mom!

Link up your Bloggers for Birth Kit posts

Bloggers, if you write a post promoting B4BirthKits, please link it up below.

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

Dear Mama,

Did you know that Mothers Day is around the corner?

Of course you do.

Like me, you’re hoping for a “surprise” house cleaning and a glorious sleep-in. Perhaps breakfast in bed?

You’re hoping to be Queen for a Day.

You’re hoping your labor of love and daily sacrifices and long hours and sleepless service and hard, hard work might be acknowledged in a way that will make your mama-heart go flutterflutterflutter, I. am. seen.

And I hope that for you too.

Your love runs deep. Your reach stretches far. Your presense breathes safe. Your work speaks holy… and so you deserve to be honored, oh Mama-Queen for a Day.

But this year, as you prepare for the day that’s all about you…

Remember her who has no babies to embrace.

Remember her who has experienced loss in the womb or loss in her arms.

Remember her who reluctantly entrusted her heart-in-the-shape-of-a-child to someone else’s care because, at the time, it was the highest form of love.

Remember her who is separated through deployment or assignment or illness or disease.

Remember her who aches in her soul while her baby is in prison.

Remember her who has waited and counted and worn her knees ragged praying for the day when those two stripes would appear.

Remember her who loves our babies because she’s not yet found a man to give her some of her own.

Remember her who burns with regret for letting go when there seemed no other way.

Remember her who parents alone, with those sweet littles still too young to form the words “I love you” on their lips.

Remember her who waits in agony for applications to be approved and a judge’s ruling telling her what she already knows. (That she, too, is a mother.)

Remember her who’s broken-hearted from being pushed away by a wayward teenager.

Remember her who lacks access to the kind of medical care we take for granted and instead waits in fear of her birthing day.

Remember her—in a far off land—who pushed to her death, while delivering life into the arms of the world as she said hello-goodbye.

And you, dear Mama-friend…

Your surrender is noble and your service is seen in the heavenly places.

You—who are so like God himself in your creating and nurturing and laboring and the handing over of your very glory to another—will you remember how precious the privilege of doing what he does?

Will you remember that your children, your role, your name—Mama—is not something you’re entitled, but something released to you as a gift?

Your gift—the one you give and the one you receive—is far sweeter than any that could be packaged up and wrapped with a bow this Mothers Day.

Happy Mothers Day to you, Mama.

May you be celebrated, esteemed, and affirmed in your joy. May you wake up that sweet Sunday morning to reviece your beloved hand-drawn cards.

And as you do, may you remember her, and whisper a prayer for her too – the one who is unable to share in your joy.

(And please, for the love of all that’s good, may you also receive your breakfast in bed and a tidy house as you undoubtably deserve. And flowers, many flowers!)

Love,
Another Mama Trying to Remember

Dear friends, last Mothers Day my husband was away in Papua New Guinea on an outreach. Pregnant and alone I lamented internally about how my one-year-old couldn’t give me the Mothers Day I “deserved.” There would be no sleep-in, no breakfast in bed, no house-cleaning service, no flowers, no finger-painted card. “How miserable and sad”, I thought to myself. And then I began to think about the mothers in rural PNG where 1 in 7 die in childbirth, never even getting to hold their babies in their arms. It put things into perspective for me. Fast. That’s where Bloggers for Birth Kits was born out of – my mopey pity-party turned reality check where I decided that life was bigger, and more important, than my “perfect” Mothers Day fantasy. Click here if you’d like to read more (or watch the video) and find out how you can make a difference for one of these precious mamas by making a clean birth kit (which costs around $2).

This post is part of the Mother Letters project. Read them, mama-friends, and find nourishment for your soul.

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

Around the World:

This short, powerful, little post What I Know from In the Details just makes my heart well up.

Mamas, you will love this Mother Letter from one of my new favorite bloggers, Sarah Bessey, where she encourages you to find freedom from the notion that the The Perfect Mother exists. I couldn’t agree more.

This week I’ve read several good posts about enduring the waiting process. (Um, hello God, are you trying to tell me something?) Here are two: Escaping the Rut of Want by Lysa Terkeurst and Waiting for God’s Gifts by Kris.

My highschool friend Amanda (thanks facebook, for reconnecting us) wrote an intelligent letter to Hilary Rosen (a Democratic strategist) about her recent remarks on Anderson Cooper 360 about SAHMs that will leave you laughing… and thinking.

My week in instagram:

instagram username: adrielbooker

Around the Memos:

Thanks for all of the buzz on twitter and facebook from my post about knowing the goal of your parenting this week. I’m glad it resonated with you. If you missed it, you can read it here: Parenting to Build Relationship, Not Robots.

It’s been a little quiet around here lately. Honestly? That’s because I have nearly 10 posts, all about 90% written… just waiting to be edited. And I keep writing more before I finish editing the other ones… cuz the writing part is too good for my soul… and the ideas don’t stop coming. (Tell me some of you also do this?) I find editing to be the hard part, always battling this it-has-to-be-just-right-so-I’m-not-misunderstood thing in my mind. (At least when I’m writing posts that are “important” to me.) I need a “quiet” space to do that… and—oh surprise—there’s not much quiet in my life at the moment.

Also, I’ve been working behind the scenes to launch this year’s Bloggers for Birth Kits Mothers Day drive. (Are you as exited as I am?) Look for the kick off this week!

Around Click Clink Five:

• Writing behind the scenes | The ministry of writing
• It is possible to spoil a baby? | How much is “too much”?
• Guard your heart | When things happen that hurt your feelings
• Fear and love and letting go | And how the character of God factors in there
• Awake | On insomnia and listening and margins and noise
• The loop (and staying in it) | Keeping abreast of current events
• Quit stalling and get ‘er done | Turning those nagging feelings into warm fuzzies

CC5 is my other blog where I write for five minutes every day on topics from faith to politics, entertainment to travel to… you name it. Oh, and this wee little blog is unfancy and unedited. Stream-of-conscious, baby.

Project 52

How lucky am I to have captured this brief moment? *sigh* Love.

[16|52: bear hug]

Fave pin of the week:

Featured Pinterest board – Style I Dig:

Dear friends, not sure what life looks like in your corner, but over here our days are flying. FLYING. I hope you’ll have some time this weekend to sit down for a good cuppa. What’s the best thing you’ve read online this week?  Or what’s the best thing you’ve written this week? Share your link in the comments. xx

bear hug: #16 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved

At times Levi has hit me out of anger. He’s disobeyed, ignored me, thrown himself on the floor in protest, turned his back on me, run away from me, chucked food across the kitchen, banged his head on the floor, kicked and flailed. The list goes on…

As a parent, I have several times a day where I am disrespected – my advice is not taken, my instructions not headed, my preferences ignored, my space invaded, my timetable turned upside-down, my affections refused, my attention demanded instead of requested…

I could carry around a lot of offense if I allowed myself to internalize these behaviors. After all, as an adult each of these behaviors communicate disrespect.

But you see, I’m parenting a two year old.

I’ve had 34 years to learn polite behavior, how to honor people, and how to communicate value and worth.

He’s had 28 months.

So right now, as I parent my spirited, independent, opinionated, and absolutely delightful toddler I must remember that he’s still new at this business of relating to others.

I must remember that he’s still learning that the world doesn’t actually revolve around him.

And I must remember that the very boundaries and behaviors that are so normal and second nature to me are the same ones that are completely new and foreign to him.

So what do I focus on in these early days? Teaching him obedience? Teaching him to respect? Teaching him to heed my advice?

No.

I focus on teaching him that he can trust me.

Think about it for yourself – who do you trust in your life?

Your measure of trust in a person will determine how much you listen to them, receive their guidance, and heed their advice. Trust determines whether or not you will follow them. Trust establishes how you will treat them and how much you will receive them into your life.

If in the early days, my children learn to trust me wholeheartedly – that even though I screw up sometimes I always have the best intentions, that I’m here for them, that I’ll listen and respond to their needs (even when it’s inconvenient), that our family boundaries are in place to serve them and help them flourish, that their input and contribution is important and valuable, and that I’ll take the time to help them sort through and learn to manage all of their wild and pumping emotions – then maybe, just maybe that pattern will continue through childhood, the volatile teen years, and into adulthood.

(Oh, what most parents would give to have trusting teenagers! Right?)

But If I focus all of my parenting efforts on training my boys to obey me, what have they learned? That who ever is in position over them (bigger, stronger, higher-ranking, older, or bolder) calls the shots? And that (by implication) they have the right to order around and demand respect from whoever is “below” them?

To me, that’s certainly not the mark of a healthy individual. That sounds more like a little, compliant robot.

If nothing else, hope for my children to grow up in a home where our relationships are not only solid, but sacred. I want them to be a part of a family that pursues connection and communication even when it costs us something. I want to place the utmost priority on making sure that our environment is one of trust (which actually goes on to breed respect, kindness, generosity, humility, healthy obedience and so on).

(And if you’re a person of faith, think here about the parallel principles with regards to relationship with God. Mmmm… another post for another time…)

Even now as I have very little littles, I believe I can begin to foster trust in important ways.

How I build relationship and foster trust with my children:

By watching my tone of voice.

By being polite (not just to others, but to them).

By listening.

By extending grace.

By having realistic expectations.

By having clear boundaries.

By being consistent.

By extending grace.

By responding to their cries, even if it is “just for attention”. (Especially if it is for attention – they must need it.)

By advocating for them as little people and helping others to consider their opinions, need for space, and desire to make choices.

By prioritizing relationship over rules.

By extending grace.

By teaching them how to problem-solve.

By helping them to identify and sort out their emotions.

By modeling kindness and generosity and respect toward them.

By extending grace.

By refusing to take short-cuts, even if it’s more convenient.

By keeping my focus on the big picture (I’m raising adults not children).

By staying on the same team as them.

By extending grace.

I’m no parenting expert. I regularly make mistakes and I still have so much to learn.

But I am the best mother that my children will ever have.

Together with my husband, it’s our responsibility, and—more importantly—our absolute privilege to ensure that during these days of babyhood and toddlerhood we’re giving them the finest possible start in life as we build and invest into the foundations of their value-systems and world view.

To me, that means making sure my parenting priorities are in order, with priority number one being to establish relationship with my littles based on trust and underpinned with kindness, grace, and generosity.

Dear friends, what are your parenting priorities? Have you ever thought about emphasizing trust and connection before emphasizing obedience and behavior?

(c) Adriel Booker 2010-2012 | All Rights Reserved