Smiling Through the Noise: How to Handle Advice You Didn’t Ask For
The first thing I noticed after becoming a mom, besides how completely in love I was, was how loud the world became.
Suddenly, everywhere I went, there were voices. Opinions. Tips. Warnings. Advice.
So. Much. Advice.
The Socks in Summer Incident
I’ll never forget one of the first ones.
A sweet friend, who had three kids of her own, came over to check in on me. I was bleary-eyed and a little shaky, still figuring out this new role. She walked in, took one look at my bare ankles and gasped.
“You’re not wearing socks?”
I blinked. “It’s 80 degrees…”
“Oh honey,” she said, gently but firmly. “You have to wear socks after you give birth. Trust me. If you don’t, you’ll have ankle pain later in life. That happened to me after my first.”
I smiled. Thanked her. And quietly tucked my feet under a blanket.
But later that night, as I nursed my baby, I found myself Googling: “Postpartum socks and long-term ankle pain??”
Comments That Keep Coming
It didn’t stop there.
Everywhere I went, it felt like someone had something to say. Friends, acquaintances, random ladies at the grocery store, all full of “encouragement.”
“Oh, you’re in the thick of it right now.”
“Just wait—after four months it gets so much easier.”
“Let the baby cry it out. You’ll spoil her.”
“Don’t pick her up every time she fusses.”
“Enjoy the baby stage—it goes by so fast.”
And you know what? Some of them were right. The baby stage does go by fast. Things do shift after four months.
But I learned something quickly: even when advice is true, it’s not always helpful.
When you’re running on two hours of sleep and wondering if your baby’s diaper is supposed to look like that, hearing “just wait till it gets easier” doesn’t always land well.
To be honest? If I want advice, I’ll ask.
If I didn’t ask, I’d rather not get a lecture, however kindly meant. I’m exaggerating… but you understand.
At First, I Listened
In the beginning, I really took it all to heart. I wanted to learn. I was unsure. Every suggestion felt like something I should try.
But over time, something shifted.
I began to notice that some advice didn’t feel right for me, or my baby. I started to grow more confident, more discerning.
And eventually, I found myself hearing something and thinking:
Hmmm… I’m not sure I’ll be taking that one.
When It’s Family, It Gets Tricky
If the advice is from friends or strangers, it’s easier to filter. You can smile, nod, and move on. I’ve even grown a bit numb to it, knowing to mentally prepare every time I leave the house with the baby.
But when it’s family, it’s harder.
You don’t want to dismiss them. You don’t want to seem ungrateful. But you also can’t hand over your instincts and decisions just to keep the peace.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
You don’t have to choose between being respectful and being firm.
You can do both.
You know your baby best.
You’ve spent every hour with them. Every cry, every feed, every smile—you’re the expert here.
Be gentle, but grounded.
It’s okay to say, “Thank you, we’re doing it a little differently,” and leave it at that.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
— James 1:5
How to Handle It (Without Losing Your Peace)
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the noise, here’s what’s helped me:
- Stay calm—even if your thoughts are racing.
A peaceful presence is more powerful than a defensive one. - Don’t feel pressured to respond.
Silence is not rudeness. Sometimes I just smile, nod, or say, “Hmm, interesting.” That’s it. - Change the subject or redirect.
I’ve found that pushing the question back (“How did your baby do at this stage?”) redirects the conversation quickly and kindly. Everybody loves talking about their own babies. - Pray for wisdom.
Before family gatherings or outings, I pray: “Lord, give me discernment and a calm spirit. Let me represent You in how I respond.”
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
— Proverbs 15:1
The Heart Behind It All
Here’s the truth I’ve come to believe:
People mean well.
They’re excited. They love your baby. They want to help.
And yes, sometimes it comes out all wrong. But beneath the awkward suggestions and outdated advice is usually a heart full of love and good intentions.
So I try to receive the heart, even if I ignore the advice.
Final Memo
Mama, you were made for this.
God chose you to be the mother of this baby—and He doesn’t make mistakes.
Don’t let the noise shake your confidence.
Don’t let the opinions drown out the voice of the One who called you to this holy work.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”
— Proverbs 31:25
So yes, smile at the lady who tells you to buy wool socks in July.
Laugh at the contradicting tips.
Stand firm in what you know.
And rest in the knowledge that you are doing exactly what God has called you to do—with love, with grace, and with a whole lot of strength.