How Many Kids Is the Right Number?

After we had our first baby, a quiet question started to echo in our hearts.

“Should we have another? And how many kids is the right number for us?”

Before we got married, I was set on having three kids. Always three. All the people I admired most—moms I loved, families I looked up to—had three children. It felt balanced and beautiful. My husband, on the other hand, came from a family with just two kids and never saw a reason to go beyond that. For him, two felt full and manageable.

But something shifted when our first child was born.

Not only did we fall in love with being parents, but the idea of family started to expand in our hearts. I began thinking—What if we had four? Two boys, two girls. Built-in playmates. A whole dinner table full of life and laughter.

To my surprise, my husband started to lean toward three. Maybe not right away, but someday.

And just like that, the old numbers we had clung to started to feel… negotiable.

Seeking Advice, Getting Mixed Answers

So, like most parents do, we started asking around.

Every time we met someone with two or three or four kids, we’d ask them, “Is it harder with three?”
“Would you do it again?”
“What changed after the second?”
“How do you know when you’re done?”

And the answers? All over the place.

Some parents told us, “The third is the easiest—you finally know what you’re doing!”
Others warned, “Three tipped the scale—it became pure chaos!”
Some told us two is the sweet spot. Some told us four is where the magic happens.

And honestly, the more we asked… the more confused we felt.

We were right back where we started. Still unsure.

What Does the Bible Say?

So we went to the place we should’ve gone first—the Bible.

What does God say about how many kids to have?

“God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.’”
— Genesis 1:28

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
— Psalm 127:3

“Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”
— Psalm 127:5

The scripture is clear: children are a gift. A blessing. A reward. A legacy.

But does that mean every couple should have a large family? Is more always better?

As much as we love these verses, we also believe God calls us to steward our families, not just multiply them. He gives us minds to think, bodies to care for, homes to manage, and resources to protect. Having eight or ten children, like some families did generations ago, might not be wise, or even possible, for most people today.

It’s not just about quantity. It’s about faithfulness.

What Wisdom Looks Like

In our journey, we came across some biblical wisdom that helped us process things. These aren’t hard rules, but guiding principles that remind us to think and pray before making big decisions:

1. Seek unity as a couple.
   You both need to feel peace, not pressure. Disagreements should lead to conversation, not conflict. Pray together. Listen well.
2. Consider your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
   Parenting requires a full heart, and sometimes, a full tank. If either parent is stretched beyond capacity, it’s okay to pause.
3. Think about the children you already have.
   Will growing your family stretch you in a way that impacts how you care for your current children?
4. Know your season.
   You might be in a season of survival or a season of flourishing. Every season requires a different kind of faith and decision-making.
5. Don’t make decisions out of fear—or comparison.
   What worked for your sister, your church friend, or a family on Instagram may not be right for you.
6. Remember God’s sovereignty works with our planning.
   It’s not just “Let go and let God.” It’s “Trust God as you plan faithfully.”

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
— Proverbs 16:9

Every Family Is Different

The truth is—there’s no magic number.
God doesn’t give us a checklist of how many kids we should have.

Some families are called to raise one child in deep discipleship. Others are equipped to raise four or five with grace and joy. Some may walk the road of adoption. Some may stop earlier than planned due to health or heartbreak. There is no one-size-fits-all story, because God is writing something beautifully personal for each of us.

So if you’re wondering how many kids you should have, don’t rush to find the perfect answer. Slow down. Pray. Talk with your spouse. Seek counsel. Look at your life and heart honestly.

And then?

Trust that God will lead you in wisdom and peace.

Final Memo

We may still wrestle with the question, “Should we stop at two?”
We may still ask families at the park, “Is three really that much harder?”
But at the end of the day, the answer isn’t just a number—it’s a calling.

No matter how many children you have, you are called to raise them with intention. To love them well. To disciple them faithfully. To point them to Jesus.

So ask the hard questions. Talk to each other. Be open. Be wise.

But most of all?
Trust God with your family’s story. He’s the one writing it.

“Children are a heritage from the Lord… Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”
— Psalm 127:3,5

However, many kids fill your home; may your heart be filled with grace, and your hands full of holy work.